Oh, I WILL get it done!

Well, I am back after an exhausting 3 weeks of travel. I was in Dallas, Texas; New York twice; Marco Island, Florida. Only the Florida trip was for fun. Hopefully I am back now until Chicago in June – but you never know.

As winter is starting to slowly turn toward spring I am getting the itch to be more personally productive. I have begun some aggressive list making. Achievement seems just within reach.

So, I share with you some of my personal “to do” list. And then provide what I am quite sure will keep me from completion.

1. At a garage sale TWO YEARS AGO (with the newest season’s garage sale season coming soon) I bought an old fashioned diaper changing table. Does it mean anything to you to realize that I bought this thing the summer BEFORE I got married and now am married and have a child and still haven’t completed this project? I am shamed by my own procrastination. Anyway…I had seen this great project in a do-it-yourself magazine where you convert a changing table into a drink cart. It was charming. It seemed serendipitous when weeks later I saw a changing table just like the one in the article for only $5. It still sits in the basement today waiting to be transformed.

2. When Jeff and I were working on selling his house (again, this will now be two summers ago) a neighbor of his was hosting a garage sale (I’m sensing a trend) and had an old bike for sale. It was one of those kind of old-fashioned models with the basket and the 3 speeds…sure, it was kind of broken down…but it was only $2 and I felt sure that with a little TLC it could just be charming! I could just see myself tooling around, kind of Martha’s Vineyard-esque with my straw hat, Bermuda shorts and pastel bike (with a bouquet of freshly picked daisies in the basket). This is much like the vision I had of myself mowing my lawn with an eco-friendly reel mower in a white dress and hat (another trend) before setting up the croquet set for an impromptu match (Jeff quickly vetoed this purchase…he said that it would more likely be him sweating through a Cubs t-shirt during the first 10 minutes of a 3 hour job in the boiling hot sun slaving behind an instrument of torture …something he wanted no part of). Anyhow…the bike is still limply propped up in the garage unrestored.

3. I don’t know why I never noticed it before, but whoever painted our ceilings before we moved in did a crappy job. I don’t even know if there’s one coat of paint on those things. It would be really nice to re-white those nasty ceilings. I also have to say that I made a number of my own mistakes painting the walls when I moved in…so, this would give me the chance to right those wrongs too. I have already bought some instant stripper to fix the paint boo-boos on the trim (OK, the stripper has only sat on the counter for 3 weeks…but I’m REALLY going to do this).

4. When I moved into the house the basement was beautiful. The floor had been freshly painted grey…it was awesome. It’s pristine condition moved me to love. Now it’s dirty, dusty, and fairly gross. It needs a good sweep and some serious mopping. I’m ashamed at how I’ve let it deteriorate.

5. I won’t even mention all the boxes in the crawl space I was blessed with when Jeff moved in. Suffice it to say that these boxes contain “treasures” like old yellow pages books, mugs full of old pens, LL Bean catalogs, etc. Shhhh…it’s a secret….don’t tell Jeff….but a purge is forthcoming.

6. The garage is a disgrace.

7. I’ve always wanted a party patio. I’ve got some kind of cool items now…I just have to integrate it into some kind of coherent, elegant yet playful, outdoor hangout.

I’m just so happy looking at that list! Life would be so wonderful if I got that stuff done. I can’t even tell you.

But, here is what will inevitably keep me from this bliss:

1. Hey, it’s the cast of Lost on Oprah!

2. Oooh…the Sephora catalog arrived…

3. All of a sudden I’m compelled to rearrange all the closets.

4. Anyone feel like ice cream?

5. Look at my toes…boy do I need some polish!

6. Is that a new episode of To Catch a Predator???

7. Oh, I’m just so drowsy…a quick nap won’t hurt anything…

8. I wonder if there’s anything new on You Tube?

9. I’m almost to the end of the book…surely it will only take me a few minutes to finish (an hour later I’m still reading)

10. OK Langston…mommy will lay on the floor and tickle your tummy (I don’t really think this counts)

Grieving a Tree

When I first visited the house I would eventually buy, my first thought was how much I loved the gigantic oak in the front yard. It was impossibly tall, dappled the sunlight over the lawn and flowers, gracefully arched over the entire house.

To me, there really is nothing more lovely than a tree.

I didn’t even really mind all the leaves in the fall. Well, to be honest, I hired Tina’s crew of juvenile delinquents each year to do the raking for me. I’m as lazy as the grave.

So, imagine my sadness when I noticed a split in the trunk the other week. I called in the tree doctor and after a lot of careful evaluation and examination another split was discovered on the other side and the verdict was not good. Although it was a perfectly healthy, probably 150 year old tree, that could easily outlive me – it was failing. The fear was that once the leaves came in the wind would start to twist the tree and put enough stress on the trunk that the tree would fall over…demolishing either my house or the one next door. The only decision we could make was to take it down.

It actually hurt my heart to see the crew sawing off all the branches and feeding them into the chipper. I finally had to just leave – I couldn’t watch any more. It makes me sad to think that something God created back when the area was nothing but a farmer’s field could be so quickly reduced to dust.

I had to leave the afternoon of the chopping for a business trip so the first time I saw my now naked front yard was at night after a long flight home. I couldn’t believe how the whole approach had changed. It was a lot brighter (very strange) and you could definitely see more of the back yard and the neighbor’s house (not overly excited by either of these developments).

The tree bordered the driveway so I always had to take extra care when backing out of the garage to accommodate it. I instinctively made the same twist this morning and felt bad all over again when I realized that the driveway is now totally open. Sniff.

Jeff says that we will do something new this spring to commemorate the loss. I know that eventually I will forget what it was like when the tree was there. I hope not.

It's Vegas Baby!

Four Thirtysomethings in Vegas Learned That:

1. A tub for two isn’t all that romantic when the water is boiling hot





2. It’s really easy to get lost inside the Caesar’s Palace Forum Shops…really…it could happen to ANYONE…it doesn’t mean you’re dumb or anything





3. In-and-Out Burgers taste even better in a limo





4. If the bus has a lot of people in it, your husband is going to refuse to get on it and make you walk a mile and a half down the strip…and yes, your feet will hurt





5. There’s really only so much you can eat off even the best buffet





6. Going back to item #1…if you put a tablespoon of bubble bath in said tub for two you and turn on the Jacuzzi jets, you will create an erupting volcano of bubbles that will not only tower between you but will also cascade onto the floor beside you in waves





7. Slots-a-Fun hotdogs are the size of a baby’s arm…but a bargain at $1.49!





8. If getting a cheap flight means leaving for the airport at 3:00 a.m. – pass





9. There’s nothing better than eating a cup of gelato while watching the Bellagio fountains





10. Even good Baptist girls can catch gambling fever!

Mountain Climbing

I am working as a "communications coach" for a couple of presenters at my company's annual leadership conference. Mostly that means that on top of whatever other reponsibilities I have, I will now add a series of 4 hour meetings to my week (thank goodness for wireless networks) and help an executive (or 2 in my case) bring their thoughts to "life" with power point, video production, wordsmithing, design assistance, etc. It makes for a long couple of weeks. The conference begins on Tuesday morning...it is Thursday and I have just received the 3rd "brand new concept" from my presenter. I don't have any words of response to this.

But enough of my complaining...because really, the above paragraph was just to serve as a segue into what I really wanted to talk about. And I didn't even get to the part that was going to segue into the segue. So, here we go again.

My presenter is working on the "inspirational" portion of his speech (oh dear) and he is using a metaphor he got out of a recent business book (oh dear II). It's all about looking at your business like a mountain and employees like climbers. What follows is an exerpt from the speech: "Permit me to explain what I mean by daily commitment with a comparison to climbing. A book entitled The Adversity Challenge separated climbers into three different categories. First are “quitters.” Quitters plan to reach the peak. They’ve got all the right equipment, the desire and the skill. But, they are not prepared to conquer the impediments along the way to success. They go part way – and then quit.

"The second group are “campers.” Campers work hard, apply themselves, and overcome enough obstacles that they feel at ease planting their tent stakes and settling in – they’ve done enough, have attained a certain level of achievement and are comfortable camping out in their comfort zone.

“Climbers” are the rare breed who continue to grow, strive, push, battle, focus, and improve – every day – until they reach the peak and know they have given it their absolute all. No achievement other than the ultimate achievement will do.

"According to a poll of more than 150,000 leaders across all industries worldwide, nearly 80% of the workforce is camping. I am challenging you to climb."

OK...do you feel inspired, you pathetic quitter/camper??? Are you ready to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to help Steelcase succeed????

This cheesy "inspirational moment" couldn't help but cause me to reflect on other ways that mountains have been used lately as a metaphor in my life. And I thought of two.

At our Bible study last night we were talking about when Paul and Silas were imprisoned and how their prison cell became a place of ministry. Which led to a conversation about trusting God's will in both the good and bad times. We agreed that our "mountain top" experiences rarely led to a time of spiritual growth. When life is easy and times are good, it's easy to lose the imperative to pray and grow...I mean, what are we praying for or growing towards? If everything is going great then what would we need to ask of God or get from Him?

It's usually the "valley" experiences that drive us toward a desperate call to God. We question why, we ask for answers, for faith, for endurance, for wisdom to face the challenges we are experiencing.

When I look back over the landscape of my personal history, I have experienced the most spiritual growth, was the most dependent on God and ultimately gained the most from valley experiences. The mountain top is where I want to be -- but it's in the valley that I am closest to God.

My friend Sharon put it another way. She read a book that talked about the comparative beauty and majesty of plains and mountains. We all want to be in the plains...consistent, almost blah in its predictability...life is good in the plains. But, the mountains -- unpredictable, buffeted by winds and weather, carved out by the beating of water and the shifting earth -- have the greater majesty.

And just like literal mountains, when hard times leave their marks on us, when the unpredictability of weather and the ground moving beneath us changes us, it makes us more beautiful, more majestic, more awesome.

I don't generally veer into this type of reflection here -- but when my presenter started talking about mountains like a "successories" poster (http://www.successories.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/home.home/successories_country/USA/home.cfm?CMP=KNC-GOOG&gclid=CNjhp83SjYoCFSoIFQodmlXNRQ) it actually inspired me in a totally different way.

So, does that make me a climber, a camper or a quitter?

Getting Lean

I have a friend who is a home workout queen. She’s got all her favorite work out gurus. She contributes to message boards, trades workout dvds with other devotees, has a new dvd mix for every day. She’s got a monster sound system, all the equipment, and loves nothing more than the rush of completing a massively difficult routine. Of course she’s also got a pretty fab body.

I think it says a lot about my own level of commitment to fitness that I am writing this while eating a strawberry frozen yogurt.

Well, I’ve been working to shed off that extra baby weight and I’m pretty darn close. But, I still have a ways to go. So, I’ve been making use of my own little home workout room and FitTV on the TiVo and the result is a menu of work-out choices on any given day to tone my body and melt that fat.

There’s “All Star Workouts.” I started to do one the other day that looked like fun. It combined “easy cardio moves with the added excitement of the exer-ball.” I actually have an exer ball. OK, the last time I used it I was about 8 months pregnant and I laid on it to ease my aching back. So, it hadn’t actually been in active service for awhile. Well, I soon learned that I would not be completing this particular routine…due to lack of use my exer-ball had deflated to the point that when I bounced my butt on it for the first “combination” I practically sat on the floor. It was like trying to bounce on a bean bag chair.

There’s “Gilad…Bodies in Motion.” I have a soft-spot in my heart for Gilad. Back in the day they would air his show during the wee hours on ESPN…so, I would video tape it and workout in the creaky upstairs of my parents’ house. I think I had about 10 square feet in which to work my power moves…but I did it just the same. Gilad’s full body spandex, the hot pink belt, his high-top Reeboks and indeterminate accent…such fun. And I am still motivated by his little catch-phrases…like, “Keep going…you’re getting strong!....Getting lean!!” Yes, Gilad I was! I totally was! So, I was pretty excited when I saw that FitTV had added Gilad back into the line up. I did one of his episodes this week. He was on some beach in Hawaii…he was still in the spandex pants…his mom was right next to him giving a shout out to the retired set…some random baby wandered into the frame…I just love how low tech his stuff is…makes me feel like I’m just working out with friends.

For awhile there I was very into “In Shape with Sharon Mann.” Boy, can she ever kick your butt. But, it was all just getting a little old. All the jumping, the crazy pace, the “fast-jacks”, the “knees up”…it just seemed like such a re-tread lately…and it doesn’t help that she recycles like the same 5 songs over and over and over in all her episodes. She’s still on there…but, we might just need to take a short break. Plus, the last time I did one of her workouts I inadvertently backed up to the point where while doing one of many “fast-jacks” in this particular routine, I smacked my hand on the elliptical machine (more on that instrument of torture later) causing a big bruise. You might say it has made me a little gun shy.

I was feeling a little sluggish so I was very enticed one morning by a show called “Slowrobics.” The same aerobics moves done at like 1/3 the speed. I yawned and thought that 1/3 the speed sounded about right that morning. Well, it may be 30% of the speed but it is at least 100% of the burn. They promised it would provide a cardio work-out and it did. Man, just try squatting about 200 times at half the speed. Jeez, I could barely get out of a chair for the next week.

Of course, there’s the old stand-bys…the elliptical machine and the treadmill. Sometimes I feel kind of energetic and I’ll try some kind of circuit with abs, running and the elliptical. It seems like a good idea until I am about half way in…then I am gasping for air, can barely make that dumb elliptical even move…my butt is in agony and I’m sweating like a pig. Plus, it has some bad energy around it. It was after one of these particularly energetic workouts that some guy I’d gone out with a couple of times “dropped in.” Yeah, I never heard from him again….so, it does bad things to me…it really does.

I guess that all I can say is that I wish I were like my friend and enjoyed working out. It would make it so much easier to strap on the old tennis shoes and haul myself downstairs every day. But, mostly I do it because I don’t want to go out and buy all new clothes (thanks, baby Langston) or have a heart attack at age 40 (leaving Jeff all broken hearted and pathetic…an easy mark for some bimbo to swoop in and raise my son).

So, that’s where I’m at. My next weigh-in is tomorrow. Sigh.

Not Much Going On

I feel like I've been here at work forever. I had to get into work at 6:00 today. Totally stinks. We had a photo shoot with our new CFO this morning at 8:00 and the photographers needed someone to let them into the building to set up at 6:00...dang. It's funny but when I had to do stuff like this before it was just a pain in the neck for me. Now it's a pain for Jeff too because he has to get up early to feed Langston and get him ready too. Although, I didn't really give him too much pity...I mean...Jeff was still sleeping when I left, so no tears for you Jeff Holquist. He sent me a note this afternoon to update me that cracked me up..."Langston was his usual happy self this morning until I went to put his outfit on. It went over his head a little more slowly and with a bit more pulling than he really likes so he fussed a bit. The fussing continued through the oatmeal and really didn’t stop until he was able to drink deeply of the delicious elixir that is his formula. He celebrated the completion of the bottle by barfing down daddy’s sleeve." Way to go Langston!

I went to the wrist surgeon yesterday and my left wrist is pretty much better -- I just wear my hard cast at night. The right one is still causing me a lot of trouble so he moved me to a new soft cast for a month and then if there's no improvement he will operate. Apparently solving this kind of thing is a lot of trial and error. He was giving me a lot of, "Huh...so the cortisone shot didn't really help? Well...sometimes they do and sometimes they don't...you just never know...Hmmm...well...we could operate now or we could try the soft cast for awhile and the hard cast at night....I don't know if that will work....but, you could try....what do you think?" Not exactly confidence inspiring. I am not sure how a soft cast will work if a hard cast didn't...but then again, what do I know? I guess time will tell. At least the soft cast is easier to live with.

I am officially a terrible mother. I mean, there have been some subtle hints in that direction (the unbranded formula, the bottles I bought off of ebay labeled "Katie" and "Abby", to name a couple) but yesterday it was confirmed. I was sitting on the couch after work and Langston was laying on the cushion next to me. I was working on my Bible study lesson for the night and needed a pen. I didn't even think...I ran to the kitchen to get a pen...and heard the big thump followed by the crazed screaming of my poor child. Oh my. Oh yes, when I dashed back in the living room there was poor Langston, face down next to the couch, screaming his guts out. I felt SO bad! I could pretty much tell from his cry that he was more scared than hurt...but I gave him a thorough looking over just in case...the whole time Langston continued to scream with this look on his face like, "How could you fail me this way???"

I joined the "biggest loser" at work. Four of us who want to lose weight partnered up to compete for a month. My boss Deb Bailey is my partner (so I nick-named our team BayHo). Last Monday we had the group weigh-in...I've never really openly shared my weight with a group of random people before. But, even though I didn't want to do it (obviously) it was kind of freeing. I mean, honestly, no one really cares about any weight but their own and it just kind of felt honest and open...there was no judgment (at least vocally...I'm sure on the inside they were like, jeez girl...get it together!) and we could all laugh about our own insecurities. At the next weigh in I was that week's "biggest loser" -- yay! Since we each threw in $20...$50 for the winner and $30 for the winner's partner...I am highly motivated to continue this streak. Plus, I've still got 8 pounds to get to pre-baby weight...and I'd like to drop some beyond that as well. I've been working out a lot more and just generally trying to watch what I eat. I've also been making more dinners at home. Even though it's easier to just pick something up on the way home from work, I've found that I eat better if I make it from scratch.

Work is going good. I was just put in charge of a new "cross-functional team" (you've gotta love corporate speak) to plan for Steelcase's 100th anniversary. When is this anniversary you may ask? This year? Next year? Certainly not 2 years from now if you've already started planning....uh...yeah...it's in 2012!!!! Can you imagine? Um...I think that 6 years gives us PLENTY of time to order the t-shirts.

Long-Term Pregnancy Side Effect

Well, I was told that there could be a number of long-term side effects of my pregnancy. "You know, your feet are going to grow don't you?" my husband taunted me (didn't happen). "You'll never get back to your pre-baby weight" challenged many (still to be seen...I haven't given up the dream yet). But no on warned me that my compulsion to write letters to businesses would still be driving me 5 months after Langston's birth.

Full of irritable pregnancy, my first letter was to Duncan Donuts. There I was, at the drive-through one sultry evening, following-up on a craving for mint chip ice cream (make mine a double!) My math skills aren't the sharpest but even I can calculate the tax on $2.99. So, when the high school clerk at that window charged me $3.39 I cried foul. "That's just not right," I said. "Uh...what?" the brainiac replied. "That isn't right...tax should be 18 cents on that purchase...the total should be $3.17 not $3.39." "Um...well...when I put it into the machine it comes up $3.39...so...uh...that's what I have to charge you." "But it's not right...that's an overcharge!" "Well...um...that's what the machine comes up with...um...yeah...some other people have complained too." I continued to sputter that it just wasn't right even as I counted the coins into his hand (I mean...it was a pretty serious craving). Even with the help of the ic cream my temperature continued to rise. It was against the law is what it was. It was cheating. It was totally wrong. It was 22 cents ripped off! Even when Jeff said, "Darlin...get some perspective...it's just 22 cents" I could not be satisfied. So, I wrote the parent company that franchises the Duncan Donuts outlets to complain. And they sent me an apology and a coupon for 2 free ice cream cones. I was hooked. I can't say I've gotten any more coupons but I have to admit that I totally understood when a friend took the time to complain on-line to the owners of the Moe's franchise...seems that their catch-phrase, "welcome to Moe's!" was being called out in a less than welcoming way upon his entrance. Hey, just saying it doesn't count. You have to say it like you mean it. Or at least fake it better. In fact, the more I think about it, the sorrier I am that I didn't think to write in first.

I thought it was just the pregnancy hormones making me more irritable, compelling me to write a complaint letter. But, it's not just complaints I couldn't help writing. I was also driven to write a charming letter to Value City. I bought a formal dress there for an event I had to attend on behalf of Steelcase. It was a simple red dress that was not only tasteful and elegant...but it was only $19.99! I thought I wrote the cleverest note. It was a gem of a little thank you note that included just the right balance of humor and appreciation. I thought that maybe they had a monthly contest for the best customer letter. Maybe they would post it on their website. Maybe they'd send me a coupon or ask if they could quote me in a catalog. I got nothing. Not even a confirmation that they'd received my letter. Makes me want to write again and complain.

After 5 months my hormone levels should be back to normal but the compulsion to make my opinions formally known remains. I still have a pretty long list of letters to write. I could start with the Grand Rapids police department. I live near an intersection that I have to go through several times a day -- going to work, coming home from work, going shopping, etc. It's pretty much unavoidable. The thing is, the shameless red light running is going to get me killed one day. I've never seen a light that is so red that one or several boobs heading east or west (or both) through the intersection won't run it. I mean, it's ridiculous. The light had turned green for me and I was the first car to head into the intersection one morning. Even after counting like 3 beats after the light turned green and after looking both right and left I still barely avoided being slammed by some SUV speeding through the red. I know that catching a speeder is an easy ticket. But really...is someone going 45 in a 35 really posing that great of a threat? Is someone likely to be killed or even maimed because of it? Not really. But, if some semi burns through a red light and buries my poor Buick...I'm likely not to walk away from it. And talk about an easy ticket! Just sit there at the Chow Hound on the corner and sharpen your pencil!

And then there's Dick's. The Saturday before Christmas Jeff and I are in this miserable long line at Dick's sporting goods and out of nowhere the cashier tells us all that she is leaving for a little bit to go back to the stock room and pick up some boxes. Are you kidding me? Was there any value added to that proposition? We were all incredulous. I find it hard to believe that there was anything more important to Dick's than their minimum wage clerks ringing up the sales that day. Out of protest we changed lanes. Even if it ended up taking longer we at least made a statement. But, we were walking out the door and the cashier was still MIA. Good grief. That's customer service.

And what's the deal with stores demanding everything short of a blood sample to give you a store credit? Jeff was returning a couple of items to Macy's a few weeks ago. We had the gift receipt, the items had never been used and still had the tags. We were told that he would be issued an in-store credit. But before she could issue it she would need his driver's license number, address and phone number. WHY? We had the receipt, the items were obviously unused, no cash was changing hands...what exactly was the risk to Macy's? None. It was just to add our name to some mailing list. I hate that! Why does a store get to know all this personal information just because I'm shopping there? The letter practically writes itself.

And that's just the beginning. My pen is inked up and ready to make my complaints known or to share the love (should I actually have a good experience!)

Have you had a bad experience and need to gripe? Or even a good experience but you never took the time to write in? Give me a holler. Maybe I'll just write the letter for you. Hey, if I get a coupon I'll share it with you.