Monday Highlights, Kind of, October 15, 2007

Well, it has been one of those weeks…weeks where all of a sudden it’s Saturday and I remember it didn’t even cross my mind on Thursday to send out some highlights. It’s been one of those weeks where I look around my house in quiet despair, not even knowing where to begin to get things restored to some kind of order. I settled for asking Jeff to please, please, please take the fans that have populated our non-air conditioned home all summer, downstairs. He looked at me like, THIS is the thing you want me to do? This is the best ya got? In my current frazzled condition – yes.

It’s times like this that I think of the characteristics I see in other women and wish I possessed.

A “STYLE.” I don’t think that Tim Gunn would consider someone digging through piles at Goodwill and Value City…or, if it’s a really special occasion, Marshall’s, really pursuing “style.” Neither do I. Every season I think, this is it…this is the season that I get my act together and finally develop a wardrobe that adheres to some rule of fashion. As opposed to the one rule I am currently following – cheap. Well, I’ve taken a big first step: I have gone through my closets and given away 3 giant garbage bags full of clothes to Good will (a certain kind of “circle of life” don’t you think?) and now have not much more than empty hangers clanging around in my closet. So, first step done…next step means budgeting some money to refill it…and then, the critical step, not immediately repopulating the closet with crap. That’s the part where I always seem to drop the ball. POSSIBILITY OF ATTAINING: 65%

THE FEMININE ARTS. I have a friend who cans. I have a sister-in-law who cans. I have a mother-in-law who cans. I don’t can. I have never canned. I think I once made freezer jam, but that was like at least a decade ago. What could be a better example of providing beautiful things for my family than lovingly canning delicious foods? I can just picture the scenario…fall leaves blowing past the window…a fire crackling in the fireplace…a pot roast in the oven…and I say, “Hey honey, would you hop downstairs to the cellar (of course it couldn’t be a basement) and grab a jar of applesauce?” I feel like I may be further from accomplishing this than the wardrobe thing. I mean, it’s a struggle for me to get the casserole (um…not even a pot roast) in the oven instead of stopping for take-out on the way home. I feel I’m doomed to failure in this and it’s best to commit it to fantasy. But, whenever I hear these women talking about their canned goods, I still dare to dream. POSSIBILITY OF ATTAINING: 1%

MANICURED NAILS. My hands are a national tragedy. Constantly either all cut up or in some state of healing, my hands are not the hands of a pampered office worker. I mean, how do I do it? It’s not like I’m a farmer…but my hands look like I am. I don’t have beautifully trimmed, shaped and polished nails. I have hangnails and unpolished nails and a frightening amount of hair that grows on my knuckles. Surely I could do better. I’m not even hoping for some kind of acrylic set up that is always perfectly polished…all I want is some decent shape and to stop biting my hang-nails. You’d think I was 12 years old. POSSIBILITY OF ATTAINING: 50%

“I MADE IT MYSELF!” Oh man…the accomplished seamstress or cook or scrapbooker or quilter or woodworker just brings me down. I love looking through those “how to” books and in my fantasy life I can do ALL of these things. I love to receive them. Sometimes I even half-heartedly try to do these things…and sometimes I even have limited success. But, it seems like when it comes down to a competition between watching Survivor or learning to quilt, Survivor always wins. I could try to come up with all kinds of excuses…but, at the end of the day I have come to the conclusion that I may be missing the obvious…I’m just kind of lazy! Well…if wishes were changes…you know the rest. I must get more focused! It’s ridiculous! Just wait til this winter…I swear I’m busting out my knitting needles…just you wait! And, my sewing machine is still all set up downstairs just waiting for me to stitch up some pillows…or that torn apron I swore I’d fix a year ago…or, well…you know. POSSIBILITY OF ATTAINING: 75%

Monday's Highlights on Thursday - October 4, 2007

Well, today was actually kind of boring. The kind of day where I ate my lunch in my car with the windows down while reading a decorating magazine (a whole magazine on storage…really, what could be more inspiring) and listening to the Jim Rome Show on the radio.

So, I’d hate to serve up the bland dish that was today when a steaming serving of activity it sitting back there on Monday. So, here are Monday’s highlights on Thursday.

I got a call on Friday afternoon that the CEO would like me to go with him to Indianapolis because he was “nervous” about being interviewed by INdiana Business Today. See, he’s going to Indy to help our oldest dealer celebrate their 85th anniversary in business and in partnership with us. I can see why this would be terrifying. When I think of all the heads of state, celebrities, and glitterati that Gerry Dick (host of INdiana Business Today) has interviewed, I can see why my boss would be apprehensive. It sounded like a really good use of my day. Of course I agreed to go.

We all met at the jet at 7:45 a.m. on Monday and upon touching down in Indy headed to the zoo (really), where the dealership’s employee celebration was taking place (in the dolphin house….really). So, with lots of water but no dolphins in sight I settled in for some weak coffee and shellacked pastry (really, this dealership owner makes millions – he couldn’t spring for some better grub?) and listened to the parade of speeches and the presentation from the zoo director and then the CEO provided his “colorful” remarks. Then the big employee drawing! What was on the line? Airline tickets? Electronics? Gift Cards? Um…no…Zoo tickets!!! Woo and Hoo!!! I mean, I like a good zoo as much as the next person but again, could they come up with nothing better?

Then I hop into the car with the CEO and the dealer owner to head to the dealership for the big interview. Sitting in the back seat while the men talked and, understandably, ignored me, I felt like I was on a business trip with my dad. I guess I’ll always feel like I’m 12 years old in these kinds of situations. We arrive at the dealership and as we walk in the door I’m assaulted by waves of cologne…not hideous cologne…but aggressive nonetheless. Who is the drenchee?? None other than Gerry Dick!! Live and in person!! Oh my. Cologne AND a golden tan. Love it. Hand shaking, back slapping, mutual admiration, and game faces ensue. After a 15 minute interview that is so softball the interviewer is actually throwing underhand (it’s a good thing I was there to help out in this stressful situation), Jim and everyone else leaves for the rest of the day’s activities. Except, see, I don’t have any other activities. It is 10:45 a.m. and all my activities are done. Of course I have piles of activities back at the office that are begging for completion. But here in Indy, I got nuthin. Oh, and since it’s the big 85th, they gave the employees the day off, so it’s a totally empty dealership.

Is it downtown where I can maybe walk around or find a coffee shop? Or even near a strip mall for a bagel or something? Um…not so much. It’s in an industrial park…by the highway.

The first 15 minutes just flew by.

The next 300…not so much.

The business owner and his wife (wife #3…the former receptionist, now VP of Marketing…but, whatever) were kind enough to take me out to lunch. However, at this lunch I was informed that “nobody cares about the environment – it’s just a bunch of hooey…really, it’s all just the flavor of the week…why do they keep pushing the environment?” And then he several times identified people as “minorities” – as in, “you know who I mean…Brian…the minority.” Oh my.

Later in the day I took a scenic stroll around the industrial park…oh, those distribution centers are certainly lovely…and check out the loading dock on THAT building! That just takes the cake! Oh, I just love interacting with nature as I’m serenaded by the hum of the expressway.

At 5:00 the cocktail party celebration for customers began. Realizing I would have absolutely NO ONE to talk to at this thing I hid in the empty conference room until 5:30. I just didn’t know how long I could survive as the wall flower. At 5:30 I came out and took a little shrimp cocktail. So beautifully presented. A little bowl with one giant shrimp skewered on a fork, gently nestled in a dollop of cocktail sauce. So elegant...so charming…and, with the help of that fork, so easy to eat! Right? Um…not so much. I took one bite and couldn’t quite bite through it…and couldn’t get it off the fork…and then it flopped off the fork and dangled from my mouth as I tried to break it off, and I tried to hold onto the little bowl, and the fork, and with the other hand pull off the shrimp…it was a powerful way to start the party. I think it really established me as a playa. People looked at me and were totally impressed.

Small talk, small talk, small talk…toasts aplenty…the CEO got up to speak again…and Gerry Dick joined the group on-stage to present some general thoughts on Indiana business (which he read off a card…tsk tsk)..and then, at 7:00…back to Grand Rapids. I watched a show I had downloaded to my iPod while the power brokers broked around me on the plane…and finally was back at home.