Getting Lean

I have a friend who is a home workout queen. She’s got all her favorite work out gurus. She contributes to message boards, trades workout dvds with other devotees, has a new dvd mix for every day. She’s got a monster sound system, all the equipment, and loves nothing more than the rush of completing a massively difficult routine. Of course she’s also got a pretty fab body.

I think it says a lot about my own level of commitment to fitness that I am writing this while eating a strawberry frozen yogurt.

Well, I’ve been working to shed off that extra baby weight and I’m pretty darn close. But, I still have a ways to go. So, I’ve been making use of my own little home workout room and FitTV on the TiVo and the result is a menu of work-out choices on any given day to tone my body and melt that fat.

There’s “All Star Workouts.” I started to do one the other day that looked like fun. It combined “easy cardio moves with the added excitement of the exer-ball.” I actually have an exer ball. OK, the last time I used it I was about 8 months pregnant and I laid on it to ease my aching back. So, it hadn’t actually been in active service for awhile. Well, I soon learned that I would not be completing this particular routine…due to lack of use my exer-ball had deflated to the point that when I bounced my butt on it for the first “combination” I practically sat on the floor. It was like trying to bounce on a bean bag chair.

There’s “Gilad…Bodies in Motion.” I have a soft-spot in my heart for Gilad. Back in the day they would air his show during the wee hours on ESPN…so, I would video tape it and workout in the creaky upstairs of my parents’ house. I think I had about 10 square feet in which to work my power moves…but I did it just the same. Gilad’s full body spandex, the hot pink belt, his high-top Reeboks and indeterminate accent…such fun. And I am still motivated by his little catch-phrases…like, “Keep going…you’re getting strong!....Getting lean!!” Yes, Gilad I was! I totally was! So, I was pretty excited when I saw that FitTV had added Gilad back into the line up. I did one of his episodes this week. He was on some beach in Hawaii…he was still in the spandex pants…his mom was right next to him giving a shout out to the retired set…some random baby wandered into the frame…I just love how low tech his stuff is…makes me feel like I’m just working out with friends.

For awhile there I was very into “In Shape with Sharon Mann.” Boy, can she ever kick your butt. But, it was all just getting a little old. All the jumping, the crazy pace, the “fast-jacks”, the “knees up”…it just seemed like such a re-tread lately…and it doesn’t help that she recycles like the same 5 songs over and over and over in all her episodes. She’s still on there…but, we might just need to take a short break. Plus, the last time I did one of her workouts I inadvertently backed up to the point where while doing one of many “fast-jacks” in this particular routine, I smacked my hand on the elliptical machine (more on that instrument of torture later) causing a big bruise. You might say it has made me a little gun shy.

I was feeling a little sluggish so I was very enticed one morning by a show called “Slowrobics.” The same aerobics moves done at like 1/3 the speed. I yawned and thought that 1/3 the speed sounded about right that morning. Well, it may be 30% of the speed but it is at least 100% of the burn. They promised it would provide a cardio work-out and it did. Man, just try squatting about 200 times at half the speed. Jeez, I could barely get out of a chair for the next week.

Of course, there’s the old stand-bys…the elliptical machine and the treadmill. Sometimes I feel kind of energetic and I’ll try some kind of circuit with abs, running and the elliptical. It seems like a good idea until I am about half way in…then I am gasping for air, can barely make that dumb elliptical even move…my butt is in agony and I’m sweating like a pig. Plus, it has some bad energy around it. It was after one of these particularly energetic workouts that some guy I’d gone out with a couple of times “dropped in.” Yeah, I never heard from him again….so, it does bad things to me…it really does.

I guess that all I can say is that I wish I were like my friend and enjoyed working out. It would make it so much easier to strap on the old tennis shoes and haul myself downstairs every day. But, mostly I do it because I don’t want to go out and buy all new clothes (thanks, baby Langston) or have a heart attack at age 40 (leaving Jeff all broken hearted and pathetic…an easy mark for some bimbo to swoop in and raise my son).

So, that’s where I’m at. My next weigh-in is tomorrow. Sigh.

Not Much Going On

I feel like I've been here at work forever. I had to get into work at 6:00 today. Totally stinks. We had a photo shoot with our new CFO this morning at 8:00 and the photographers needed someone to let them into the building to set up at 6:00...dang. It's funny but when I had to do stuff like this before it was just a pain in the neck for me. Now it's a pain for Jeff too because he has to get up early to feed Langston and get him ready too. Although, I didn't really give him too much pity...I mean...Jeff was still sleeping when I left, so no tears for you Jeff Holquist. He sent me a note this afternoon to update me that cracked me up..."Langston was his usual happy self this morning until I went to put his outfit on. It went over his head a little more slowly and with a bit more pulling than he really likes so he fussed a bit. The fussing continued through the oatmeal and really didn’t stop until he was able to drink deeply of the delicious elixir that is his formula. He celebrated the completion of the bottle by barfing down daddy’s sleeve." Way to go Langston!

I went to the wrist surgeon yesterday and my left wrist is pretty much better -- I just wear my hard cast at night. The right one is still causing me a lot of trouble so he moved me to a new soft cast for a month and then if there's no improvement he will operate. Apparently solving this kind of thing is a lot of trial and error. He was giving me a lot of, "Huh...so the cortisone shot didn't really help? Well...sometimes they do and sometimes they don't...you just never know...Hmmm...well...we could operate now or we could try the soft cast for awhile and the hard cast at night....I don't know if that will work....but, you could try....what do you think?" Not exactly confidence inspiring. I am not sure how a soft cast will work if a hard cast didn't...but then again, what do I know? I guess time will tell. At least the soft cast is easier to live with.

I am officially a terrible mother. I mean, there have been some subtle hints in that direction (the unbranded formula, the bottles I bought off of ebay labeled "Katie" and "Abby", to name a couple) but yesterday it was confirmed. I was sitting on the couch after work and Langston was laying on the cushion next to me. I was working on my Bible study lesson for the night and needed a pen. I didn't even think...I ran to the kitchen to get a pen...and heard the big thump followed by the crazed screaming of my poor child. Oh my. Oh yes, when I dashed back in the living room there was poor Langston, face down next to the couch, screaming his guts out. I felt SO bad! I could pretty much tell from his cry that he was more scared than hurt...but I gave him a thorough looking over just in case...the whole time Langston continued to scream with this look on his face like, "How could you fail me this way???"

I joined the "biggest loser" at work. Four of us who want to lose weight partnered up to compete for a month. My boss Deb Bailey is my partner (so I nick-named our team BayHo). Last Monday we had the group weigh-in...I've never really openly shared my weight with a group of random people before. But, even though I didn't want to do it (obviously) it was kind of freeing. I mean, honestly, no one really cares about any weight but their own and it just kind of felt honest and open...there was no judgment (at least vocally...I'm sure on the inside they were like, jeez girl...get it together!) and we could all laugh about our own insecurities. At the next weigh in I was that week's "biggest loser" -- yay! Since we each threw in $20...$50 for the winner and $30 for the winner's partner...I am highly motivated to continue this streak. Plus, I've still got 8 pounds to get to pre-baby weight...and I'd like to drop some beyond that as well. I've been working out a lot more and just generally trying to watch what I eat. I've also been making more dinners at home. Even though it's easier to just pick something up on the way home from work, I've found that I eat better if I make it from scratch.

Work is going good. I was just put in charge of a new "cross-functional team" (you've gotta love corporate speak) to plan for Steelcase's 100th anniversary. When is this anniversary you may ask? This year? Next year? Certainly not 2 years from now if you've already started planning....uh...yeah...it's in 2012!!!! Can you imagine? Um...I think that 6 years gives us PLENTY of time to order the t-shirts.

Long-Term Pregnancy Side Effect

Well, I was told that there could be a number of long-term side effects of my pregnancy. "You know, your feet are going to grow don't you?" my husband taunted me (didn't happen). "You'll never get back to your pre-baby weight" challenged many (still to be seen...I haven't given up the dream yet). But no on warned me that my compulsion to write letters to businesses would still be driving me 5 months after Langston's birth.

Full of irritable pregnancy, my first letter was to Duncan Donuts. There I was, at the drive-through one sultry evening, following-up on a craving for mint chip ice cream (make mine a double!) My math skills aren't the sharpest but even I can calculate the tax on $2.99. So, when the high school clerk at that window charged me $3.39 I cried foul. "That's just not right," I said. "Uh...what?" the brainiac replied. "That isn't right...tax should be 18 cents on that purchase...the total should be $3.17 not $3.39." "Um...well...when I put it into the machine it comes up $3.39...so...uh...that's what I have to charge you." "But it's not right...that's an overcharge!" "Well...um...that's what the machine comes up with...um...yeah...some other people have complained too." I continued to sputter that it just wasn't right even as I counted the coins into his hand (I mean...it was a pretty serious craving). Even with the help of the ic cream my temperature continued to rise. It was against the law is what it was. It was cheating. It was totally wrong. It was 22 cents ripped off! Even when Jeff said, "Darlin...get some perspective...it's just 22 cents" I could not be satisfied. So, I wrote the parent company that franchises the Duncan Donuts outlets to complain. And they sent me an apology and a coupon for 2 free ice cream cones. I was hooked. I can't say I've gotten any more coupons but I have to admit that I totally understood when a friend took the time to complain on-line to the owners of the Moe's franchise...seems that their catch-phrase, "welcome to Moe's!" was being called out in a less than welcoming way upon his entrance. Hey, just saying it doesn't count. You have to say it like you mean it. Or at least fake it better. In fact, the more I think about it, the sorrier I am that I didn't think to write in first.

I thought it was just the pregnancy hormones making me more irritable, compelling me to write a complaint letter. But, it's not just complaints I couldn't help writing. I was also driven to write a charming letter to Value City. I bought a formal dress there for an event I had to attend on behalf of Steelcase. It was a simple red dress that was not only tasteful and elegant...but it was only $19.99! I thought I wrote the cleverest note. It was a gem of a little thank you note that included just the right balance of humor and appreciation. I thought that maybe they had a monthly contest for the best customer letter. Maybe they would post it on their website. Maybe they'd send me a coupon or ask if they could quote me in a catalog. I got nothing. Not even a confirmation that they'd received my letter. Makes me want to write again and complain.

After 5 months my hormone levels should be back to normal but the compulsion to make my opinions formally known remains. I still have a pretty long list of letters to write. I could start with the Grand Rapids police department. I live near an intersection that I have to go through several times a day -- going to work, coming home from work, going shopping, etc. It's pretty much unavoidable. The thing is, the shameless red light running is going to get me killed one day. I've never seen a light that is so red that one or several boobs heading east or west (or both) through the intersection won't run it. I mean, it's ridiculous. The light had turned green for me and I was the first car to head into the intersection one morning. Even after counting like 3 beats after the light turned green and after looking both right and left I still barely avoided being slammed by some SUV speeding through the red. I know that catching a speeder is an easy ticket. But really...is someone going 45 in a 35 really posing that great of a threat? Is someone likely to be killed or even maimed because of it? Not really. But, if some semi burns through a red light and buries my poor Buick...I'm likely not to walk away from it. And talk about an easy ticket! Just sit there at the Chow Hound on the corner and sharpen your pencil!

And then there's Dick's. The Saturday before Christmas Jeff and I are in this miserable long line at Dick's sporting goods and out of nowhere the cashier tells us all that she is leaving for a little bit to go back to the stock room and pick up some boxes. Are you kidding me? Was there any value added to that proposition? We were all incredulous. I find it hard to believe that there was anything more important to Dick's than their minimum wage clerks ringing up the sales that day. Out of protest we changed lanes. Even if it ended up taking longer we at least made a statement. But, we were walking out the door and the cashier was still MIA. Good grief. That's customer service.

And what's the deal with stores demanding everything short of a blood sample to give you a store credit? Jeff was returning a couple of items to Macy's a few weeks ago. We had the gift receipt, the items had never been used and still had the tags. We were told that he would be issued an in-store credit. But before she could issue it she would need his driver's license number, address and phone number. WHY? We had the receipt, the items were obviously unused, no cash was changing hands...what exactly was the risk to Macy's? None. It was just to add our name to some mailing list. I hate that! Why does a store get to know all this personal information just because I'm shopping there? The letter practically writes itself.

And that's just the beginning. My pen is inked up and ready to make my complaints known or to share the love (should I actually have a good experience!)

Have you had a bad experience and need to gripe? Or even a good experience but you never took the time to write in? Give me a holler. Maybe I'll just write the letter for you. Hey, if I get a coupon I'll share it with you.

Have Baby Will Travel

November 15, 2006

We just got back last night from our week-end in Salt Lake City. I had a conference to go to and Jeff and Langston tagged along. Our tickets for the flight out weren’t the same, so I had Langston the first leg by myself. It seemed so easy! Jeff took charge of all the luggage so all I would have to worry about was the diaper bag, my purse, the umbrella stroller and Langston. Well, I managed to make a complete idiot of myself all over the Grand Rapids airport. And beyond. I went to check in at the computer kiosk and thought to put L in his stroller. Um…yeah. I bought it but hadn’t taken in apart yet and the security tags were still clipped on holding it firmly together. Oops. So, I had to check in while holding him and ask the lady at the counter for some scissors. She came around to help me and when she clipped the tags, the wheels fell off. Hmmm. We looked blankly at each other and she said, do you know if that’s supposed to happen? I was all, uh…I have no idea. Some woman from the check in line called out, The wheels fall off but they clip right back on. Yeah, easier said than done. The NW clerk and I struggled with the wheels long enough that someone came out of line to put the wheels on for us. Pathetic experience #1. Then we were off for the security line. Well, you have to put the stroller through the Xray machine with all the rest of your belongings…toiletries in a separate plastic baggy, shoes, coat, bags, etc. in their own bins. I stepped out of the line as I got to the front since I knew that I was going to take some time. Also to give those in line a really clear view of my ridiculousness. Once I got everything in bins I took L out of the stroller to collapse it. He starts crying. I have one arm at this point to try to collapse the stroller. Yeah…I can’t do it. I start sweating…I keep trying to collapse it…I can’t do it…L is screaming…I’m sweating more…people from the line start calling out suggestions….I go and get a security bin and put L in it so I have two hands…still no go…finally this man comes over and collapses it for me. The performance is repeated at the other end of the security line. Pathetic experience #2. We finally get down to the gate and on to the airplane. I asked the stewardess if she would keep an eye on L in his stroller while I put my bags at my seat and then came back to deal with the stroller and get him in the baby carrier (I had brought along the front back pack -- that’s the best way I can describe it – so that he would have a secure place to be during the flight and I’d have my hands free…great idea, huh?) So, I come back and the stewardess is helping me and L get him settled in the carrier…we are both all thumbs and it takes us WAY too long to accomplish this. And, Jeff was the last one to use it so it was bigger around the waist than I am, so when L was in it, his butt was down around the top of my thighs…but, WHATEVER, at least he was in it. The stewardess and I then turned to the stroller to collapse it to go on the plane. Can you believe, yes, can you BELIEVE that we again couldn’t collapse it?? The guy loading the luggage into the plane finally came up and said that he had 4 kids and could fold it down for us. At this point, the stewardess looked at me and said, are you sure you’re really this kid’s parent?? Pathetic experience #3. Exhausted, sweating, foolish, I finally get settled in the seat and we’re ready for take off. I had pre-packed the formula, the bottle, a bottle of water in the diaper bag so he could eat during the flight. The only problem is, the bag was under the seat in front of me…Langston was in my lap and the seats were so close together that his back is like, pressed into the seat in front of us. So, I attempted to get all the stuff I needed out of the bag with my feet…no lie. Lots of flopping around, near misses, contortions and muttered curses followed. But, I finally got him fed and we successfully landed in Minneapolis. I forgot that pretty much every passenger on the plane had seen my expert parenting on display as they got on the plane and during flight, so, when I let everyone get off the plane ahead of me when we landed (so I could have some modicum of privacy when I attempted to reassemble everything) I got a lot of, hang in there…you’ll figure it out…don’t give up…etc. from those departing the plane. Glad to know that no one noticed.

But, Jeff joined us in Minneapolis and everything went MUCH better. We both thought that Salt Lake City is a dump. No wonder they had to bribe the entire Olympic committee to get the Olympics there. Very disappointing. But, we did make it up to Park City for one dinner (it was 50 degrees in Salt Lake and 30 degrees and snowing up in the mountains…very cool) and L did very well on his first travels.

It was quite a culmination to the end of my maternity leave!