November 15, 2006
We just got back last night from our week-end in Salt Lake City. I had a conference to go to and Jeff and Langston tagged along. Our tickets for the flight out weren’t the same, so I had Langston the first leg by myself. It seemed so easy! Jeff took charge of all the luggage so all I would have to worry about was the diaper bag, my purse, the umbrella stroller and Langston. Well, I managed to make a complete idiot of myself all over the Grand Rapids airport. And beyond. I went to check in at the computer kiosk and thought to put L in his stroller. Um…yeah. I bought it but hadn’t taken in apart yet and the security tags were still clipped on holding it firmly together. Oops. So, I had to check in while holding him and ask the lady at the counter for some scissors. She came around to help me and when she clipped the tags, the wheels fell off. Hmmm. We looked blankly at ea
ch other and she said, do you know if that’s supposed to happen? I was all, uh…I have no idea. Some woman from the check in line called out, The wheels fall off but they clip right back on. Yeah, easier said than done. The NW clerk and I struggled with the wheels long enough that someone came out of line to put the wheels on for us. Pathetic experience #1. Then we were off for the security line. Well, you have to put the stroller through the Xray machine with all the rest of your belongings…toiletries in a separate plastic baggy, shoes, coat, bags, etc. in their own bins. I stepped out of the line as I got to the front since I knew that I was going to take some time. Also to give those in line a really clear view of my ridiculousness. Once I got everything in bins I took L out of the stroller to collapse it. He starts crying. I have one arm at this point to try to collapse the stroller. Yeah…I can’t do it. I start sweating…I keep trying to collapse it…I can’t do it…L is screaming…I’m sweating more…people from the line start calling out suggestions….I go and get a security bin and put L in it so I have two hands…still no go…finally this man comes over and collapses it for me. The performance is repeated at the other end of the security line. Pathetic experience #2. We finally get down to the gate and on to the airplane. I asked the stewardess if she would keep an eye on L in his stroller while I put my bags at my seat and then came back to deal with the stroller and get him in the baby carrier (I had brought along the front back pack -- that’s the best way I can describe it – so that he would have a secure place to be during the flight and I’d have my hand
s free…great idea, huh?) So, I come back and the stewardess is helping me and L get him settled in the carrier…we are both all thumbs and it takes us WAY too long to accomplish this. And, Jeff was the last one to use it so it was bigger around the waist than I am, so when L was in it, his butt was down around the top of my thighs…but, WHATEVER, at least he was in it. The stewardess and I then turned to the stroller to collapse it to go on the plane. Can you believe, yes, can you BELIEVE that we again couldn’t collapse it?? The guy loading the luggage into the plane finally came up and said that he had 4 kids and could fold it down for us. At this point, the stewardess looked at me and said, are you sure you’re really this kid’s parent?? Pathetic experience #3. Exhausted, sweating, foolish, I finally get settled in the seat and we’re ready for take off. I had pre-packed the formula, the bottle, a bottle of water in the diaper bag so he could eat during the flight. The only problem is, the bag was under the seat in front of me…Langston was in my lap and the seats were so close together that his back is like, pressed into the seat in front of us. So, I attempted to get all the stuff I needed out of the bag with my feet…no lie. Lots of flopping around, near misses, contortions and muttered curses followed. But, I finally got him fed and we successfully landed in Minneapolis. I forgot that pretty much every passenger on the plane had seen my expert parenting on display as they got on the plane and during flight, so, when I let everyone get off the plane ahead of me when we landed (so I could have some modicum of privacy when I attempted to reassemble everything) I got a lot of, hang in there…you’ll figure it out…don’t give up…etc. from those departing the plane. Glad to know that no one noticed.
But, Jeff joined us in Minneapolis and everything went MUCH better. We both thought that Salt Lake City is a dump. No wonder they had to bribe the entire Olympic committee to get the
Olympics there. Very disappointing. But, we did make it up to Park City for one dinner (it was 50 degrees in Salt Lake and 30 degrees and snowing up in the mountains…very cool) and L did very well on his first travels.
It was quite a culmination to the end of my maternity leave!
ch other and she said, do you know if that’s supposed to happen? I was all, uh…I have no idea. Some woman from the check in line called out, The wheels fall off but they clip right back on. Yeah, easier said than done. The NW clerk and I struggled with the wheels long enough that someone came out of line to put the wheels on for us. Pathetic experience #1. Then we were off for the security line. Well, you have to put the stroller through the Xray machine with all the rest of your belongings…toiletries in a separate plastic baggy, shoes, coat, bags, etc. in their own bins. I stepped out of the line as I got to the front since I knew that I was going to take some time. Also to give those in line a really clear view of my ridiculousness. Once I got everything in bins I took L out of the stroller to collapse it. He starts crying. I have one arm at this point to try to collapse the stroller. Yeah…I can’t do it. I start sweating…I keep trying to collapse it…I can’t do it…L is screaming…I’m sweating more…people from the line start calling out suggestions….I go and get a security bin and put L in it so I have two hands…still no go…finally this man comes over and collapses it for me. The performance is repeated at the other end of the security line. Pathetic experience #2. We finally get down to the gate and on to the airplane. I asked the stewardess if she would keep an eye on L in his stroller while I put my bags at my seat and then came back to deal with the stroller and get him in the baby carrier (I had brought along the front back pack -- that’s the best way I can describe it – so that he would have a secure place to be during the flight and I’d have my hand
s free…great idea, huh?) So, I come back and the stewardess is helping me and L get him settled in the carrier…we are both all thumbs and it takes us WAY too long to accomplish this. And, Jeff was the last one to use it so it was bigger around the waist than I am, so when L was in it, his butt was down around the top of my thighs…but, WHATEVER, at least he was in it. The stewardess and I then turned to the stroller to collapse it to go on the plane. Can you believe, yes, can you BELIEVE that we again couldn’t collapse it?? The guy loading the luggage into the plane finally came up and said that he had 4 kids and could fold it down for us. At this point, the stewardess looked at me and said, are you sure you’re really this kid’s parent?? Pathetic experience #3. Exhausted, sweating, foolish, I finally get settled in the seat and we’re ready for take off. I had pre-packed the formula, the bottle, a bottle of water in the diaper bag so he could eat during the flight. The only problem is, the bag was under the seat in front of me…Langston was in my lap and the seats were so close together that his back is like, pressed into the seat in front of us. So, I attempted to get all the stuff I needed out of the bag with my feet…no lie. Lots of flopping around, near misses, contortions and muttered curses followed. But, I finally got him fed and we successfully landed in Minneapolis. I forgot that pretty much every passenger on the plane had seen my expert parenting on display as they got on the plane and during flight, so, when I let everyone get off the plane ahead of me when we landed (so I could have some modicum of privacy when I attempted to reassemble everything) I got a lot of, hang in there…you’ll figure it out…don’t give up…etc. from those departing the plane. Glad to know that no one noticed.But, Jeff joined us in Minneapolis and everything went MUCH better. We both thought that Salt Lake City is a dump. No wonder they had to bribe the entire Olympic committee to get the
Olympics there. Very disappointing. But, we did make it up to Park City for one dinner (it was 50 degrees in Salt Lake and 30 degrees and snowing up in the mountains…very cool) and L did very well on his first travels.It was quite a culmination to the end of my maternity leave!
1 comment:
You are the funniest person I know.
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