This morning I woke up and went in to get little boy out of his bed and was greeted by a wall of stink. I had to part the odor like a beaded curtain to get into the room! It was slithering down the walls and hovered like a green cloud just below the ceiling. How could Langston be smiling and playing in his crib? Didn’t he realize that he was projecting a skunk-like plume of reek right at me??? As much as I love him, I almost didn’t want to pick him up…I was afraid of what might shoot out of the diaper onto my freshly showered self. But, I was the mom…I went ahead and picked him up. I tried to lay down some prep work on what I knew would have to be tactical perfection in order to remove, dispose of, and clean up after this explosion. I put several cloth diapers down on top of the diaper changing pad, flipped open the baby wipe container with wipes at the ready, pulled out a fresh diaper…and cautiously laid him down. His newest fascination is a flashlight…so, I turned it on and plopped it in his hand and gingerly started the diaper removal process. So far, so good….it was a crazy, freaky, ridiculous amount of bright orange slush…but I was super proud of myself as I used wipe after wipe without contaminating myself with even a droplet of ooze. Hey, it was actually going pretty well. After about wipe number 10 I thought I was ready for stage two of the process…onesie removal. Slowly and carefully I started shifting it up his little bod…and was just about ready to start the sleeve transition when…oh no…not really…oh come ON…yeah, unbeknownst to me a very generous amount of sludge had actually shot out the top of the diaper into a fat pile in the back of his onesie…precisely where I had put my hand to take it off…are you KIDDING me??? So, all my hard work had been for nothing…the diaper pad got all crapped on, I won’t even speak to you of what was going on in my hand…and I still had to get the thing off of him! Gagging and blowing and shifting on the balls of my feet I was finally able to free him. At which point I hollered for Jeff. There was no way I was finishing this on my own. 
After about the 10th yell (he's no fool) he came in and helped me wipe down Langston’s back, shoulders and neck…yes, neck…what kind of projectile offal was I dealing with here??? And then took Langston into the shower with him because no amount of baby wipes could remove all the traces of that load. Yikes. Yikes. And again…yikes!!!!Utterly exhausted I gathered up all the offending materials…diaper containing Chernobyl-like fall out, 35 used wipes, 2 cloth diapers, and the onesie and headed into the kitchen for bagging.
Then I toweled off and dressed the now super clean baby (traces of the stank still lurking in the air…kind of like smoke damage after a house fire) and got him dressed. Lately, he is pretty happy to just be popped back in the crib to be warehoused while I finish getting ready. As long as I turn the lights up, throw in some toys and put in an energizing cd -- (these days we’re playing the broadway cast version of Guys and Dolls…he particularly enjoys “I’ve Got the Horse Right Here”…and this morning he got a bit of a giggle out of the line “call it hell, call it heaven, it’s a probable 12 to 7 that the guy’s only doing it for some doll”…I kept singing that line as we left the house and he kept bouncing and giggling…show tunes…oh, his father would be so pleased) so long as he doesn’t think I’m putting him to bed, he’s good to go.
We left the house in a flurry (as always) and shot off to Steelcase employee sales.
I bought two small pedestal/file cabinets to replace the ones I’m currently using as bedside tables in our bedroom. The new ones I bought are shorter by a drawer – which will allow for my new lighting concept per the bedroom update I’m working on. I needed some more vertical space and I think these new cabinets will be perfect. This week-end I hope to paint them white and glue down the tops. Anyhow, I had to go and pick them up. I really can’t wait until I get my mini-van (could be any time!) so I don’t have to keep facing the baleful expressions of the guys at employee sales who have to maneuver my purchases into the Buick. If I had a quarter for every time Frank sighed, “that’s never going to fit in there” and then magically, with some additional pointers and suggestions, was able to fit it all in…well, I think I’d at least be able to buy myself a decent meal. Anyhow, they got all loaded up and off we went to Appletree.
Langston really seems to like it there and was smiling and laughing and scooted off to play as I told Miss Carrie and Miss Amy why I had brought Langston an extra set of clothes for the day. Apparently this is going around…a little intestinal bug. Since Langston’s been on anti-biotics for about 30 days, I am not surprised that he is extra susceptible to viruses. They said they have a 3 strikes, you’re out policy on “loose” diapers…but, no phone call yet…so, he must be doing OK.
I then headed off to the Speedway for a pop…and….well….I have to make a confession: trash pick up day isn’t until Monday…and it’s just way too hot to put that in the garage…and no diaper genie in the world could possibly contain that diaper….so, I took my double-bagged sack of spoilage and tossed it in the gas station trash can. I’m not proud…but I just didn’t know where else to turn!The rest of the day has passed fairly uneventfully. The heat drove me to try a new, and possibly sketchy hair do. I put part of it up and flipped the back. I’m not sure if I’m working it…or if it’s working me. I had a very long meeting where the end result was a list of people to invite to another meeting. I printed out a visitor’s guide to Door County, Wisconsin…which I have pitched to Jeff as a potential spot for our family “mini-break” in August. I got the world’s most annoying sales call. I checked out televisionwithoutpity’s recap on So You Think You Can Dance.
Tonight I am going out with Jeff and Auntie (Jeff says to me this morning…I didn’t realize that was a ME, you and Langston thing…I thought just you and Langston would go with Auntie…um….no) because Auntie wants to buy Langston some shoes for his birthday (which I can’t believe is days away). That’s actually very nice of her. Of course we are not headed for Value City or Target…we are going somewhere at Breton Village Mall. Should be a riot.
5 comments:
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